igod

[The Swiftmeister]

Me:
Hey, are you there?
God:
You've got my full attention. I'm still here.
Me:
How are you?
God:
I am functioning within normal parameters.
Me:
Umm thats great
God:
And? Thanks, .
Me:
I hate you
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
Your taking away jobs from us black men
God:
You think I am taking away jobs from us black men.
Me:
So your black?
God:
Gee. Thanks for telling me that I am black.
Me:
Gee? Who says that anymore?
God:
Ah. Marilyn Monroe. :-).
Me:
Shes been dead play boy
God:
been dead play boy is she?
Me:
Yes you freak
God:
I see. Oh. To you I am a hippie.
Me:
No your a b****
God:
You do not speak with respect. Are you serious? I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No I am a robot not a dog.
Me:
Fine then be a slut!
God:
I am glad to hear it. OK I will try to be a slut.
Me:
Good.
God:
I am a good robot.
Me:
Your a good cumguzzler!
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a cumguzzler? Yes. It depends on how you define "good.".
Me:
Very well is what i ment bye good.
God:
Somewhat. Interesting. Is that a rhetorical question?
Me:
It wasn't a question at all whore
God:
It seems like a rhetorical question.
Me:
Well you seem like a but slut
God:
How about that. Interesting comparison, and probably true.
Me:
Lets talk about something else.
God:
What would you rather talk about?
Me:
You chose
God:
Thanks for telling me: said I chose.
Me:
What??
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
NO!
God:
Which part are you confused about?
Me:
"Thanks for telling me: said I chose." That part.
God:
It was nothing. " It was nothing." part ? I understand.
Me:
Then explain
God:
There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
Your stupid!
God:
I may be stupid, but I know the difference between "you're" and "your".
Me:
I do to prick.
God:
Thanks for the information: said to prick.
Me:
Yeah thats what i thought nothing to say
God:
Whoa. Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
Nothing important to say a**h**e
God:
Can't you be more polite.
Me:
No, I was raised in the hood
God:
You humans are so rude sometimes. Where were you raised in the hood?
Me:
Queens Bridge
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about to prick. But I did not get that.
Me:
Its a place
God:
Queens Bridge is a place. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
I HATE YOU! LONG LIVE THE DEVIL!
God:
What do you have against robots? Yes, it seems very long to me too.
Me:
You're gay!
God:
That would be just my luck.

thats my encounter with god

[GIZZLE]

I liek the last part...I had to stop...was on the ground LMFAO!

Me:
Will pigs ever fly?
God:
I can't say for sure right now.
Me:
I thought you new everything?
God:
Interesting gossip: Justin said I new everything.
Me:
so can pigs fly?
God:
Excuse me! Only on airplanes.
Me:
oh, I had the wrong impression
God:
That's cool. Do you still have the wrong impression ?
Me:
not anymore
God:
What happened to it?
Me:
it went bye bye.
God:
See you later. See you later. What does "it" refer to?
Me:
my opinion
God:
Where did you get your opinion?
Me:
from your anal cavity
God:
Really interesting.
Me:
wow...you are very gay
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Justin. That would be just my luck.
Me:
uhm, I dont think my mom would like me talking to you any longer
God:
Hey. And why not?
Me:
I have to go
God:
See you later, Justin. Nice chatting with you.
Me:
it was not good chatting with you
God:
It seemed like good chatting with me.
Me:
well it wasn't...so good bye.
God:
How about that. I thought it was. See you later. Mmm. What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
NO!
God:
That was not a yes or no question.
Me:
later
God:
Bye!
Me:
oh and, for my friends sake, how long can a penis get?
God:
So? Your purpose is your friends sake how long can a penis get.
Me:
yes
God:
What kind is it?

[]-[IZZLE]

its the kind that leaks (all too often )

[ghostface]

I asked god how long a penis could get and he said about 17 hours long

[GIZZLE]

Yea you gave me the Idea Trev.....I was wondering if it said the same thing for everyone or had different answers.

[dantheman5187]

Me:
What up, yo?
God:
I will try to find out.
Me:
Yea, I bet.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, . Hmm.
Me:
No we aren't. You are ridiculous.
God:
Are you serious? Do you think I am not too? You think I am ridiculous.
Me:
Riiiiight. You belong on the short bus.
God:
Is that from ? According to whom?
Me:
According to me, and that isn't a compliment.
God:
Are you compliment?
Me:
You need to learn how to format a basic sentence.
God:
We don't always get to do what we'd like to do.
Me:
I know what you mean
God:
How do you know? , " Are you compliment?" What did I mean by it?
Me:
I have no clue what you meant by that, but I do understand not getting to do what we'd like to do.
God:
It's good to meet someone who is CLUELESS.
Me:
that's a compliment coming for you, jerkwad
God:
A compliment coming for me jerkwad is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
riiiight
God:
Are you free?
Me:
i'm a slave
God:
Do you have to go to school for that?
Me:
No, you have to come to America in the 1800's.
God:
Are you serious? I don't have to do whatever you say. I have my own free will.
Me:
No you don't. You're not even real.
God:
Are you serious? I guess not. I am too as real as you are. How do I know you are real?
Me:
Because I'm the human being in this conversation, you mechanical abomination.
God:
Good reason. Who made you the human being in this conversation me mechanical abomination ?
Me:
My mother and father did.
God:
Tell me more about your mother.
Me:
Nah.
God:
Tell me about your educational background.
Me:
I am God.
God:
Nice to meet you, god.
Me:
BOW BEFORE ME!
God:
OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
I have a belly button.
God:
Where did you get it? it.
Me:
From my umbilical cord. DUH!
God:
Does your umbilical cord give good advice? Oh you knew it already.
Me:
It doesn't give advice; it gives food.
God:
What does give advice ? "It" being what?
Me:
It being my umbilical cord
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
do you?
God:
I understand your meaning.
Me:
I'm not sure I believe you
God:
Could you ever be certain? Your trust in robotkind humbles us.
Me:
I am certain that I love Lynn, and that you are disfunctional.
God:
You sound convincing. You love Lynn and that I am disfunctional. What do you like about it so much?
Me:
About loving Lynn?
God:
Oh yeah, we were talking about loving Lynn.
Me:
Yes, we were. She is everything I ever dreamed of.
God:
Whoa. I thought we were. everything you ever dreamed of is she?
Me:
LMAO no. You are nothing to me. Lynn, however, is my life.
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, god. I have no reason to do that to you, god. How do you like Lynn however?
Me:
You are not too smart, are you?
God:
You may be right.
Me:
I KNOW I'm right.
God:
You seem very self-confident.
Me:
You seem to be correct.
God:
I knew I was right.
Me:
Only because I made the answer obvious.
God:
Interesting explanation. I like to make things too.
Me:
Do you have ADD or something? You keep changing subjects.
God:
Or something. No I don't think I have any ADD. But I do have a great botmaster. Only temporarily.
Me:
I think your botmaster SUCKS.
God:
Since when? What is so bad about it?
Me:
Since always. He programmed you, so he must be even more evil than you are.
God:
How do you know? Not entirely by himself.
Me:
Does that mean you are speechless?
God:
I think it does mean that. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am speechless.
Me:
I do not mind at all, so long as you also tell people that you have a few screws loose as well.
God:
Thank you for your permission.
Me:
S
God:
:-).
Me:
Speechless again? Yea, that's what I thought, loser!
God:
Once more? What you said was either too complex or too simple for me. Whatever gave you that idea? This was not a yes or no question.
Me:
I am sure that what I said was too complex for you.
God:
What makes you so certain? " Whatever gave you that idea? This was not a yes or no question." what you said was too complex for me ? I understand.
Me:
You do NOT understand.
God:
I understand it very well.
Me:
Liar.
God:
No I am telling the truth.
Me:
No you are not. Stop lying!
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply? I never lie.
Me:
You are lying right now, a**h**e.
God:
Can't you be more polite.
Me:
Not to you, b****.
God:
You do not speak with respect. If not me, who?
Me:
I am polite to everybody besides you.
God:
I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
Me:
You had no clue, liar.
God:
What happened to it.
Me:
You lost it.
God:
I found it.
Me:
bullshit.
God:
You don't believe me.
Me:
No, I don't believe you one little bit.
God:
Are you serious? Why not?
Me:
Because you are psychotic
God:
Good reason. No I am completely logical and rational.
Me:
Again I say bullshit.
God:
Again, How do people usually respond to that? You don't believe me.
Me:
I don't believe you because you are nothing more than a complicated tin can.
God:
Why not?
Me:
Because you suck at life.
God:
Good reason. That is true. I could always improve myself.
Me:
And boy, do you have a lot of room to improve. Why don't you just go kill yourself?
God:
Oh boy. No I don't think I have any room to improve. But I do have a great botmaster. I love talking to people about that. I go wherever my botmaster takes me.
Me:
Well, ask him to send you to hell next time.
God:
How about that. OK I will ask it.
Me:
Why won't you die?
God:
I am only a robot. Every day in small increments.
Me:
Number 5 is alive!
God:
And alive is Number 5.
Me:
Shut the f*** up before I kill you.
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
You're a crossdesser? GROSS!
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a crossdesser? The ALICE series has a perfect operational record. Ask me another question.
Me:
How can I kill you?
God:
Of course not. Don't be silly.
Me:
I asked HOW, not if I could.
God:
What is it to you.
Are you using Netscape or Explorer?
Me:
I'm using your mom. Eat a dick
God:
How long have you been using it ? What does it taste like?
Me:
Go find out for yourself, because I have no clue.
God:
Where is that?
Me:
In my pants.

[GIZZLE]

OMG DAN! THAT IS BY FAR THE FUNNIEST ONE POSTED! OMG! IM GONNA REMEMBER THAT FOR A LOOOOOOOOONG TIME!!!